he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
