she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
