just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
