apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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