The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
