As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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