there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
