Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
