i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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