Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
