A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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