The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
