I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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