they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
