it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he shaved USA in his pubs
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
