Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
