She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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