how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
