sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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