just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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