I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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