Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
