Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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