Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
