it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
