i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
