i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize