But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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