I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
