I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
