We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize