Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
