I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
