That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
