Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
