I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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