Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
