i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
