I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
