you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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