I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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