Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
