you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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