explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
