I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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