batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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