Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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