Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think people are normalizing furries
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
