Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
