Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
