just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
