you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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