didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You're a waste of cheezeits
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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