And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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