make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
