my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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