I want to make a zoo with you.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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