Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
