Soap is not a condiment
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize