I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
