ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
