the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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