You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
