just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
