your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize