Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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