worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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