im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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