I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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