I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
His nipple licking is glorious
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