Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
