Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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