i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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