i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
