Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
